


小百合の哀歌

by Hitsugi_Zirkus



Category: Lamento -BEYOND THE VOID-
Genre: Angst, Character Study, M/M, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-09
Updated: 2015-10-09
Packaged: 2018-04-25 14:58:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4965205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hitsugi_Zirkus/pseuds/Hitsugi_Zirkus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Sayuri Lament"<br/>Leaks has a vision of the world being dyed the same red that flutters through his dreams.</p><p>[Contains spoilers for ShuiLeaks drama CD, Rhapsody to the Past]</p>
            </blockquote>





	小百合の哀歌

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to my second Lamento fic! This one is for the super tragic ShuiLeaks, who have rudely stabbed out my heart and left me for dead. I still love them so much anyway and tried this fic out as a means to map out Leaks' thoughts and feelings. In other words, twist the knife canon left behind. So I'm hoping this came out fine. A lot went into it, lots of hurting myself again by flipping through the game and drama CD for refs. My whole body and heart ache o(-( I also had a whole ShuiLeaks playlist on my media player that didn't help my pain so maybe I'll upload that to 8tracks at some point... 
> 
> Also many thanks to camicarlot on tumblr for their [translations of Rhapsody to the Past](http://camicarlot.tumblr.com/tagged/rhapsody-to-the-past). I used some direct dialogue from there so credit for those bits goes to their translation!
> 
> Title of the fic literally means "Lamentations of Sayuri (orange lily)"

Magic was what composed the world. It was everything seen and invisible, all things tangible and metaphysical. The world’s magic rested in the properties of nature and the balance of the universe. It encompassed all things while not being able to be pinned down to a definition itself. From years and years of study, all this Leaks came to know. He studied magic alone in his secluded house nestled in the forest, learning how to manifest such energies in the world into spellwork. A solitary magician, he observed his world that nurtured him in secret.

The forest was, for lack of better word, his home. He knew when the seasons would change before the cooler winds would blow, before summer rain could even roll in, before flowers could even bud. He observed the cycles for so long that he thought all secrets of the forest were his.

But then Shui came. That day, Leaks could feel the forest suddenly swell with life and light as if soaking up the refreshing rays of the Moon of Light. It was on that day of meeting Shui that Leaks came to know a different kind of magic.

“The sounds of the forest. I really love them,” Shui murmured, his smile kind. “The movements of the trees, the wind plays them like an instrument… A transparent, quiet melody… It’s really gentle. It’s a gentle sound...”

In that pause, Leaks allowed himself to tentatively follow along with those words that were spellbound by the forest. Leaks had always known of its mystery and beauty, and thought that there the magic was. But the wind had picked up, and when Leaks opened his eyes after blinking, it felt like his ears and heart had uncertainly opened themselves up as well.

And then Leaks heard it. The voice of the forest. Singing. The soothing melody drifted over their bodies and through the trees, rising into the sky. Leaks, who always craved more knowledge and had endless curiosity, was deeply entranced by the discovery.

Just who was this cat?

But from that day on, his eyes and ears and mind remained open, like a newly-born flower with its wrinkled petals blossoming and gaining color. Leaks wasn’t sure what key had unlocked this inside him.

No, that was untrue. He knew it started, somehow, with Shui. What Shui had that caused such sensations to dance in the air, in Leaks’ own body, was what made Leaks...captivated by him.

And while he couldn’t admit to it, he quietly basked in these pleasant feelings that grew the more and more Shui visited him and talked to him - because even though Leaks brushed him off or sent him straight home time and again, Shui continued to lose himself in the forest to see him.

And Leaks came to learn that Shui loved the forest as he did, and he often dragged Leaks out from the shelter of his home so that they could nestle between tree roots or lay in fields, Shui’s long red hair fanning out into the grass like vines that caught the Moon of Light’s shine. A fitting description, as it reminded Leaks of the shimmer and hue of a sunstone. It was a beautiful color. And his hair was soft to the touch.

Shui would ask Leaks to tell him the things he’d learned, to teach him a little of what he saw as well. Always, he wore such a blissful smile as Leaks spoke, his eyes nowhere else but his moving lips.

No one had ever wanted so much to share Leaks’ eyes, or his heart.

Yes. His heart had opened up as well, more and more every time he saw Shui. It was evident each time he heard the forest and Shui sing in perfect harmony, and - like a bird - Leaks’ heart soared after the song.

The days passed like springtime lullabies, bringing a peace and certain affection that Leaks had never experienced before.

* * *

Shui was an odd cat. Just when Leaks thought he had figured him out, he surprised him with his enthusiastic nature, his gentle voice, his gestures that showed how much he wished to know Leaks. Being by himself all his life, Leaks wasn’t sure how to react to these things Shui just _did_ , unprompted. Shui was sincere and open. He was beautiful, in appearance and everything else that couldn’t be seen, like his enchanting talent as a Sanga.

Yet somehow, Shui believed Leaks to be the amazing one. He was always admiring over the things Leaks knew about the world, about Two Canes, about magic. He even came to fawn over Leaks’ ears and tail, nuzzling into them with embarrassing affection.

Leaks sighed, flickering his tail out of Shui’s face. “What do you think you’re doing, Shui? Stop that, you’re a grown cat!”

“How can I help it though when your fur is such a pretty color?”

Narrowing his eyes, Leaks sneered. “This is the color of the cursed cat. There is nothing beautiful about it.”

The way Leaks said it was matter-of-fact, but the look Shui gave him, his eyes wide with concern, made him surprised. There was no trace of pity, only that it seemed Shui was truly saddened by this fact. Leaks himself didn’t feel particularly one way or the other about his appearance, as he’d come to think the ridiculous lore the ribika pushed on his existence as irrelevant. What others thought made no difference to him, as long as he could continue to study magic in peace.

“But that’s just nonsense, isn’t it?” Shui finally said, his voice quiet. “Leaks is truly a good cat.”

“Excuse me?”

“You bring something special to others. To me.”

Ah. Was Shui talking about his magic? “Do you mean all the times I bring you here to heal you? You’re just clumsy, so helping you is natural. That’s hardly anything significant.”

“It is,” Shui insisted. “But that’s not what I’m talking about, although that’s a part of it. There’s something else.”

Leaks frowned, his tail swishing back and forth in curiosity. “What?”

Smiling, Shui pressed a secretive finger to his lips. “If you don’t understand it, that’s fine for now. But I’ll show you one day, alright? When I become chief Sanga, I’ll show you amazing things too, like you’ve always done for me.”

 _He’ll show me amazing things. How strange. Does he really think all this time that he hasn’t already done something like that?_ But Leaks indulged Shui with a half-smile before shaking his head and returning to deciphering his spellbook.

“Do what you want,” he finally said. He couldn’t see Shui’s smile, but he felt it. Its shine gave off an energy that Leaks felt tingling warmly at the tips of his fingers and ears.

At the next turn of a page, Leaks’ home became filled with the gentle cascade of Shui plucking at his lute.

* * *

It came loudly, like the shatter of glass.

One day, Leaks found out what the forest sounded like when it screamed. A discordant distortion tore the air when Leaks found his burning home and cried out as well, as if he too were in physical pain from the flames.

Everywhere, that horrible burning red danced, crushing the leaves and bark under its heels. The flames glowed red on Leaks’ skin, and his eyes. He found the ones responsible for the chaos, and felt a cruel smile twist his lips, the smile of one who’d known deep down inside that everything was going to come to ruin. It had only been a matter of time.

Leaks let the screams of his first victims join in chorus to the cacophonous symphony of burning life.

Then, there stood _that_ cat. The puppetmaster who had beguiled his whole audience before destroying the stage. Leaks made out the soft spill of Shui’s hair, its hue just as angry and hateful, and refused to meet his eyes. His lungs strained to contain the screams inside him, his heart crushed.

“Please, listen to me!” Shui’s voice was tight, his breaths labored. “Leaks!”

_"Listen to me." I haven’t stopped listening since I met you. And therein was my mistake._

“I,” he hissed, “won’t forgive you.”

Uttering this curse, Leaks recoiled from Shui’s begging words and touch, and fled into the safety of cocooned shadow.

* * *

Leaks prided himself to be a logical cat, his decisions always prudent. But he’d chosen a path that was unlike him to tread, and now here he was paying the price for it.

He ran off into a cave he’d come across in passing once and took refuge there. There, he dug his claws in his skin and the stone walls again and again. His mind was whirling with chaotic thoughts as if in a storm, his heart raw and bleeding. Every time he wondered just _how could this be, how could Shui have betrayed him like this_ , he could only remember those words that had turned the tides of their relationship in the first place.

“ _Leaks...I can’t come here anymore_.”

Back then, Leaks thought he’d known what loneliness was, when Shui stopped visiting him. The days of torture afterward, wondering when he’d come back, thinking every sway of the wind would carry Shui’s voice… It could not compare to the state of his heart now. His heart, previously untouched by anyone, was now no longer whole because he had allowed another to put their fingerprints on it, allowed them to hold it. He cursed at his own imprudence, at the cruel world that continued to forsake him, at the cat Leaks dared to...

Leaks’ breath stilled, and his bruised hand reached into his pocket, searching, then his fingertips hit something hard and circular. A ring. The anger flared anew, the betrayal swelling in his throat, and Leaks clenched the ring tightly.

“ _Love_ ,” he spat with a tight laugh, “does not exist in this world after all, does it?”

Leaks' judgement had been clouded ever since he met Shui. Every evening when Shui left, Leaks _told_ himself he'd kick him out next time, or cloak his house anew so that Shui never found it again. That cat was no good for him, no matter the sunstone color of his hair or the ethereal beauty of his song...

But as soon as Shui knocked on his door the next day, Leaks' world brightened once more and it really shouldn't have, it _shouldn't have_. Shui had a mate and a child on the way, there was no room for Leaks to even entertain the notion of... And Shui’s position as chief Sanga was all but secured now. He’d become someone everyone admired. Leaks couldn’t possibly ever be with someone who had all eyes on him when Leaks was a cat that no one would even want to look at.

It was all absurd from the beginning. It had hurt, but Leaks didn’t stop it. He _couldn’t_ have, not when he could bask in that light Shui brought into his life.

(It was so easy to think of all that as a curse now. The delightful star-spark had gone out of control to a destructive fire.)

He looked at the ring, absently tracing its patterns with his thumb.

It had been a sweet pain, knowing there were still limits to what Leaks was allowed to have. But he could believe in the world, could continue ignoring the hatred of other cats, as long as he had Shui. He didn’t have to belong to Leaks, just as long as Leaks could still see him. Leaks had never felt lonely, after all. He had no hole inside himself that he believed to be missing. Shui was just an addition. Shui just being there had been more than Leaks could've ever expected. But time had passed, and more and more Shui had dug himself into Leaks' heart.

When the forest burned... Leaks felt a hole for the first time in his life. It was wide, gaping.

And exactly in the shape of Shui.

 _Shui... betrayed me. He is like every other cat after all_. Leaks clutched the ring tightly in his fist, the metal digging into his palm. Then, frustrated, his eyes shut to the point of seeing red. Just like Shui’s hair.

“ _Nngh_!” Without thought, Leaks hurled the ring into the cave, the tiny clang of its metal lost under his heavy breathing.

 _Everything in this world, all these beautiful things..._ , he thought despairingly, _all of it is a lie_.

* * *

The biding quiet of the cave’s darkness held Leaks together as long as it could. It kept him sane enough, and allowed his heart to retreat somewhere to lose itself. More than anything, Leaks wanted to forget it all, forget the pain, forget the forest’s screaming, forget the fire, forget--- No. _Yes_. Even _him_.

But Leaks’ dreams were not so kind. Always, he was back to laying in the forest with Shui, straw-colored plait tangled in the sea of red, as if engulfed in it. Sometimes, there was Shui moving his lips, a muffled but familiar tune dancing in the air out of sync with his mouth.

Sooner or later the grass would became black and scorched, and flames would rise up like destructive flowers. Everything burned. Leaks would panic, trying to use every spell that came to him to put out the fire, but his magic was useless.

And Shui kept smiling at him dreamily as the fire left him untouched, as if nothing were wrong.

Anger and sadness and madness from these nightmares tore at Leaks’ sanity and reason. Sleep seeped into the waking world, the dizziness and heavy breathing making him think Shui would be there beside him. There was always the oppressive swelling of his hot blood in his straining veins. Every day, it felt like he was being killed by these emotions, and he hated that the flutter of Shui’s long hair and his smile in his dreams gave him that momentary reprieve.

But it was only temporary. Everything in this world was transient. He’d observed the world for so long and knew this fact. It was in the seasons and the earth and its creatures. Everything was temporary. The home he once had - burned in red. In his magic studies, Leaks learned that fire was the element of transformation and change. In fire, all impurities could be cleansed, and be made anew from the ashes.

If everything was destroyed and burned to the ground, then…

The beginnings of a dark vision planted itself in the jagged hole of Leaks’ heart.

* * *

No matter which moon rose in the sky, the outside world stopped registering to Leaks. How much time had passed? Judging by the Moon of Shadow’s shape, it couldn’t have been more than two weeks. Eventually he crept out from the cave’s depths to walk through the forest. Cloaked by the darkness, Leaks traversed through the trees until he came into contact with a familiar path. His boots shifted through the dead grass, the charred wood.

His home.

It was mostly shrunken and black from the flames. The magic barrier he’d put up was also in pieces, as if it was nothing but scattered torn pages surrounding the scene. Leaks found the scorched door, and eased it open. Ash kicked up from the moving wood, but Leaks still moved inside, mindful of the ceiling that he suspected would collapse if he wasn’t careful.

Everything inside was covered in soot and ash. The scent of fire still clung to the place. Leaks’ eyes roamed over what remained of his belongings in the darkness, the items he’d spent a lifetime collecting. He found one of his bags buried under the flame-bitten sheets of fallen parchment. It at least still seemed whole, and he dusted it off as best as he could before looking around the house for anything he might be able to salvage.  He’d need to take it with him back to the cave - this place obviously was no longer his home.

There was a stack of mostly untouched books, some rolls of parchment, bottles of items that hadn’t exploded from the fire. As Leaks gathered these things, he could remember how Shui’s eyes lit up in wonder at everything in Leaks’ house, asking the meaning of this stone or that book. Even those memories could do nothing now though except stain everything further.

The last things he packed were clothes from his dresser - among them, a cloak and a mask.

Done with his task, Leaks took one last pained look around the house. The desk chair he’d always fallen asleep in, a book open on the table… Waking up to the sounds of a lute and singing...

Leaks scoffed and left the scene without looking back. The Moon of Shadow did a well enough job of illuminating the path, and as he walked, Leaks busied his mind with remembering barrier spells. He’d have to erect some for the cave, but the ones in his old home had been up for so long, he’d forgotten the original spell--

_Hsss!_

Leaks backed his boot away from the writhing vine hidden beneath a cluster of fallen leaves. The vine recoiled away from Leaks, baring its fangs that shone poisonously in the moonlight. Leaks prepared himself for a strike, but the creature instead continued to hiss, drawing back more and more under its makeshift nest. How curious.

The two of them were at a stalemate for a few seconds, and Leaks finally decided to go around the snake when he caught sight of its body between the gaps in the leaves. Even in the shadow, the snake’s scales glimmered a brilliant green. Yet some were blackened, the darker scales covering what appeared to be raw flesh.

“You’re burnt,” Leaks noted. It had to have been because of the incident with those insolent Sanga.

The snake drew back, tensing again with the threat of a strike as Leaks slowly crouched down beside it, the end of his braid brushing to the ground mere inches from the poised jaws.

“So even creatures such as yourself got harmed because of my existence.” Cats who would so willingly destroy the forest without a thought...could not truly call themselves ribika. This forest had given them everything, was full of so much magic and beauty, and yet solely to murder Leaks, they harmed it and its creatures like this snake.

Thinking of that was probably what managed to draw out the exhausted sympathy of Leaks’ heart. He slowly hovered his hand over the snake and murmured a healing spell for it. The burned scales regained their original color, the cells reviving. The snake shuddered from the warm feeling of the spell, then lowered its head and closed its jaws, all hostility lost from it.

With a sigh, Leaks rose after finishing this, and left for the cave once more.

* * *

He rebuilt, slowly but surely. He lined the caves walls with guiding leaves’ light (instead of torches; the mere thought of that red light again made Leaks’ fur stand on end), and he started shaping its sides with magic to make stone shelves for his belongings. Gathered moss served as his bed. In keeping himself busy, Leaks could start getting his mind working forward again, namely towards the question of what he was supposed to do now.

Well, the answer to that was simple. He wanted revenge. His hatred for the cats was muted only by the indifference and distraction that studying magic alone had provided for him. But now that he’d been provoked like this, Leaks could only have flashbacks to killing those Sanga from before, to how much he had wanted to harm Shui as well. It would’ve been so simple to do and yet he’d fled.

No. It was precisely because it would’ve been too simple to kill Shui that he didn’t do it. Why should his suffering end so quickly? There were far worse things Shui deserved for betraying him. And this was where Leaks began to think his years of magic study were about to serve him well.

After he’d properly settled in the cave, there was nothing else to occupy his mind. The nightmares and never ending images of Shui’s face and his voice filling Leaks’ ears persisted. It only made pain pierce his heart with white-hot swords over and over again. The emotions started to affect his reality, consuming him, eating at his existence.

His existence was once again being diminished. Why was it that his was so hated? Was it because he was supposedly cursed? Because he studied magic? Why were these bad things? His life could be erased without a thought, yet new life was still going to be born and celebrated while he was forgotten--

Leaks blinked.

New life was going to continue being born to such a scornful world. But these cats would carry on blissfully. Shui would carry on with his happy life, and forget all about that cursed cat in the forest.

“ _You know, Leaks, I have a wife. A wife, and a child that’s going to be born soon_.”

Leaks jolted up and made for his spellbooks. The spell was in this one, he believed, luckily it hadn’t gotten burnt and… His finger stopped at one of the pages.

There was no way he was going to get revenge with these hindering emotions. But there was a way to kill two birds with one stone.

* * *

For being the mate of the soon-to-be chief Sanga, Shui’s wife wasn’t as secure as Leaks had anticipated, and that was to say nothing of her magic defenses.

He’d lured her into the forest himself. She’d already been near the edge, picking common herbs it looked like. And Leaks, hidden by foliage and the mask on his face, watched her. She was pretty, and shared the easygoing aura Shui had. She was, Leaks thought fleetingly, probably very suited for him.

“Aha!” She let out a strained laugh, her hand dropping the herbs to press flat on her round belly. “Not so hard, Konoe. You’re just as energetic as your father, goodness...”

Leaks murmured a simple hypnotizing spell, and drew her further in. No one noticed. No one stirred. Like a spider treading his web, Leaks beckoned her, then trapped her.

She was so full of life, in the literal sense of the word. Leaks could feel her child squirming in her womb, as if knowing of the danger that was nearby. Paying this no heed, actually relishing in it, Leaks poured out his heart into the empty child in a swirl of crimson. He pressed a hand to her stomach, right over the child’s small, beating heart. Leaks filled it with his sympathy, his empathy, his love, and every pain these emotions brought.

“These emotions are a hinderance to me,” Leaks muttered. “As long as I have them, I can’t hope to get my revenge on that unscrupulous father of yours.” He narrowed his eyes. “Please think of this as my gift in welcoming you to this cursed world.”

With that, Leaks let them both go, settling them back down at the edge of the forest as if she’d collapsed from exhaustion. It wasn’t long before someone saw her, and called for help.

Leaks smiled. He realized from the strange spread of his lips that it was the first time he’d done so in a long time. The dark satisfaction in his chest was new too, but at the same time perfectly familiar. It was the shadows of his heart, finally free of barriers that had been oppressing it. And now, Leaks could feel the new possibilities of the future play before his eyes, of destroying Shui’s heart just as he’d done to Leaks.

“May you be born safely into this world,” Leaks sneered, “Konoe.”

* * *

It was amazing what one could accomplish without emotions. Leaks returned to his studies, building his collections up again by infiltrating the restricted section of the Ransen library when he could and pilfering books from there. Sometimes, in passing, he’d catch a glimpse of his name while flipping through the tomes. All mentions were surrounded by the words “cursed cat” and “evil magician”. One even claimed he was a “bringer of ruin”.

Leaks scoffed. In his long life, he’d never interacted with other cats, much less brought ruin upon them. Their fear and ignorance were what brought _him_ ruin. But they’d been tossing these names at him for years. He supposed it was finally time to live up to expectations.

Tearing out these pages, Leaks teleported home.

When his heels hit the stone floor, he was greeted with the sight of a snake coiled up on his bed, the light of the guiding leaves making its already green scales appear to glow. The sight wasn’t as uncommon as Leaks would’ve cared to admit. At first, Leaks had been wary, but then he’d caught sight of freshly healed scales and knew that it was the same burned snake he’d healed before.

The snake never attacked Leaks, instead quietly seeming to make the cave his home too - or rather, Leaks’ bed. He didn’t particularly mind this, since he’d yet to be bitten and he’d even offhandedly mentioned to skin the snake if it even attempted to do so. As it was, it had become a strange pet for him to have around. At least it kept out the mice.

Stirring from its rest, the snake perked its head up at Leaks' return, as if it’d been waiting for him. Leaks ignored it as usual and instead started shelving away his new books, keeping the ones he’d immediately use on his desk. As of late, he’d been reading up on material that was hard to come by and usually heavily coded in the language of Two Canes. It took time, but Leaks was starting to be able to decipher more and more of the texts, procuring knowledge of darkness and demons and magics of calamity.

Leaks looked at the open books, the knowledge truly his only trusted companions in this world.

Down below, the snake had slithered off his bed and was now rubbing against his boots in a docile manner. Leaks paid it no mind.

“If it’s an evil magician they want,” he said, “then who am I to disappoint them?”

 _Shui_... A wicked grin played upon Leaks’ lips.

* * *

Which birthed what? Was hatred born from the seed of love? Darkness could stretch only as far as one stood in the light. That was why, no matter what...

* * *

A crash sounded in the cave. Leaks cursed under his breath, looking at the shards of his cup and its contents shattered on the ground. The cup had been sitting on the edge to be out of the way of his studying, but he didn’t think it was that close to where it could fall…

Leaks gathered the shards to use a spell that would make the cup whole again, but he paused in the middle of doing so. He couldn’t say what the odd sensation crawling slowly down his skin was, making his tail puff a bit anxiously. He frowned, looking at the sharp pieces of clay piled on his palm.

As if in concern, Leaks’ snake rose its head questioningly from its coil on the bed.

Something was fading from behind Leaks’ ears, a muffled melody…

He rose, looking outside the cave. He dropped the shards again with a clatter and retrieved an item from one of his shelves, a round mirror covered in black glass. His ears blended into the dark surface, and Leaks carefully angled it on the table, closing his eyes. Then, when he opened them, he willed a face to materialize.

The surface seemed to ripple under the glass, as if something were stirring under a frozen lake. Swirls of grey swam about, and then the vivid color of red, spilled onto the ground. Leaks heard muffled voices in his head, sounds that he knew he was overhearing from the vision in the mirror.

There was Shui’s face, his eyes closed. His body was still. There was panic clawing out from the vision, and it clashed with Leaks own shock, his _disbelief_ , because he could not sense an ounce of life left, could not detect Shui’s chest moving with breath…

“ _Shui’s collapsed!_ ” rang the voices. “ _He’s collapsed!_ ”

“ _He’s dead!”_

_“Shui’s been killed!”_

_“That magician! He’s still alive. He must’ve cursed Shui!"_

_“That’s right! That cursed cat killed Shui! He murdered him!_ ”

Leaks turned sharply away with a harsh inhale, breaking the vision he’d just seen in the mirror. The myriad of his twisted emotions writhed all at once, the hatred burning hot through his body.

Someone had taken it. Someone had taken away his opportunity of revenge. Shui was… He was dead. Someone had killed him, and was allowing Leaks to be blamed. As if he could take the credit before the seeds of his plan had grown!

And now - now Leaks was lost.

Leaks looked up, seeing the darkened stone walls of his hideout, the dark magic books, the shattered cup. What was he doing? For these past weeks, he’d been working towards his revenge towards Shui, and yet… It’d been so easily stolen from him, like a snuffed out candle. Leaks backed away from this scene, stepping shakily outside the cave, his footsteps heavy until his body finally swayed enough for him to slump against a tree.

The Moon of Shadow was out, but blocked by the thick clouds trudging through the sky. The forest wasn’t illuminated by the silvery light as it usually was, making the trees and flowers lack their ethereal glow. Now it was dark. Mute. Silent. Nothing of the melodies dancing through the leaves as Shui once claimed they did.

It was as Leaks suspected. That beauty of before...had all but been a lie.

“Ha...hahaha… Hahahaha!” Leaks hugged himself tightly, nearly doubling over in laughter. It bubbled out of him freely, the cruel sound bouncing up into the gloomy sky discordantly.

“So even you,” he jeered, “even _you_ were burned up by the dark impurities of this world, killed for greed! Haha, hahaha!” As he laughed, tears started to spring from his eyes. Was he laughing that hard? His smile was hurting him, as were his claws that clutched his chest.

Leaks shook his head, breathing deeply to compose himself. In the process, he slid down to the ground and stared emptily at the forest holding its breath in the darkness.

 _Even your hair will burn away, and your voice will only reach me as smoke_.

Leaks closed his eyes. He’d stopped laughing, but one stray tear dropped down his cheek. Rusted chains felt like they were holding him down once more, but now Leaks had the ability to shrug them off.

“This truly is such a cruel and unyielding world to kill its own.” This was a world that rejected everything. It rejected him, his relationship with Shui, Shui himself - none of them were safe from being absorbed in the darkness of the world that they only fed hate.

There was no need for any of it.

As soon as Leaks thought of it, he was prompted to his feet. The dark vision planted in the hole of his heart all those days ago was finally breaking through its seed.

He would plunge all of it, all of it, to oblivion. To darkness.

To where Shui was now.

When Leaks stepped back into the cave, he went to his shelves once more. His body and hands moved mechanically, placing the reading material on his desk, neverminding the mess from before. The pages flipped noisily in Leaks’ haste, until he stopped at two images. One was of a blood-red moon. The other of demonic sigils.

Leaks turned around, looking at the snake on his bed. It had been apparently watching Leaks’ determined movements with interest, and now even its head tilted in question under Leaks’ stare.

Leaks had questions of his own. With a flick of his wrist, Leaks imagined the snake into a new shape. The snake suddenly flinched as if seized, and then began to hiss as it writhed on the bed. Its form increased in size, new limbs growing from its sides, scales sinking into bare flesh, silver hair sprouting from a head.

When the transformation was complete, a pale boy sat there, naked, a long and thick green-scaled tail protruding from the end of his spine. He curled it protectively against his legs, his blood-red eyes wide as he surveyed his new form.

Leaks hummed, assessing the snake’s changed shape as well. Transfiguration had yet to be something he experimented with, but the boy seemed to be holding steady without any imperfections.

He decided to get to the point. “Do you have a name, snake?” he asked.

“Ah.” The boy blinked, a hand reaching up to his throat where he now had a voice. Then, more sure, he met Leaks’ eyes. “Firi. That’s my name.” He smiled then, showing the shine of his fangs.

“Firi then.” Leaks waved his hand again, and a swirl of shadow enveloped Firi, adorning his naked body with clothes.

Although clearly surprised once more as he surveyed his outfit, Firi slowly uncoiled his tail from himself and swung his legs over the bed, leaning toward Leaks. “Thank you, Master Leaks! You know, I’ve always wanted to be able to talk to you - ever since that night you saved me.”

Leaks frowned. Suddenly he wasn’t in this dank cave, but back to the warmth of his old home, the scent of freshly picked herbs in the air. A cat was sitting before him instead, his smile sweet and thankful when Leaks healed his leg.

No emotion stirred from his blurry memory except annoyance. Leaks ignored Firi’s gratitude and tilted his head. “‘Master’?” he repeated.

Firi nodded, pleased. “I’ve been thinking of you like that since that night, and by allowing me to stay here with you. And now you’ve given me this body and voice.”

The more Firi talked, the more he was like a trained dog rather than a snake. But that was fine enough for Leaks to use him for his purposes. “I changed your shape for a reason. I need another pair of eyes and ears for me. More importantly, another voice. Firi,” he murmured, “if you consider me your master, how would like to serve me then?”

As if waiting for such a chance, Firi’s serpentine eyes lit up. “I’ll do anything Master Leaks wishes of me. Anything,” he said. The smile on his face now was more befitting a snake, all poisoned honey. “What do you wish for?”

(This world was a lie. Everything eventually died in fire. Whether it was the color of the leaves before they fell or the metamorphosis of the butterfly, it all transformed and died. This world with its terrible beauty and beguiling charms hiding great darkness… It all had to die too, and be cleansed to something better.

Burning red hair and voice in smoke. All of it faded. All it was was a matter of time. But Leaks already felt like it was enough.)

“What I wish for,” he said, “is the End of Times. It is time for the darkness of this world to cleanse all the impurity of its life at last. You’ve seen it yourself, Firi, how there is nothing left this world has to offer. These cats destroy everything that stands in the way of their greed and vices. I will help this world’s destruction to save this suffering within.” A wicked smile played upon his lips. “To bring out the highest of sufferings to the denizens of this land, and accelerate the death and rebirth of the world - you’re going to help me with it.”

It wasn’t a question. But Firi took the command with a bent knee and bowed head.

“If that’s what Master Leaks wishes for. Then of course I’ll help bring the End of Times to us.”

* * *

 _Even if the world killed you, I would not forget you_.

For some odd reason, Leaks had woken up with that thought. Although some time had passed since Leaks had cast off his emotions and Shui had died, as of late, strange dreams had been coming to him once more. He couldn’t recall them when he awoke, and chasing after them proved only to be like trying to capture light in his hands. The images only went through him without meaning, a dizzying swirl of warm light, the scent of spring, and then… Something else…

For a while, he simply ignored it. He had plans to carry out. There were demons he had to talk to and means of gathering darkness that he had to procure. So far, everything was going smoothly. Now, it was only a matter of waiting to contract the demons and for Konoe to mature.

Yes. Leaks had been watching him from time to time, sometimes sending out Firi to do it, sometimes lingering in the shadows outside of Konoe’s home himself. Really, his heart couldn’t have become a more perfect breeding ground for darkness. With the arrival of the Void and the Sickness that Leaks cursed the forest and cats with, death and rejection and strife were daily routines. It was amusing really, and satisfying, to see the cats surrender to their desperations and dark instincts.

Sacrifice. Cannibalism. Distrust. Loss. The seeds of long ago were now sprouting from the darkened soil in twisted vines. Leaks could only watch on with a sneer as he watched the world begin to buckle under the oppressive weight of darkness. Konoe himself witnessed these acts of desperate survival, and now lived alone with only the barest notions of what such concepts as “warmth” and “love” were.

At first, Leaks had been surprised when he’d first seen Konoe’s face. Neither Shui nor his wife had the ash-blond hair that Konoe had. His eyes had that childlike wideness to them, but the color was the same honeyed one that Leaks saw when he came across his reflection. Leaks supposed that in implanting his emotions to an unborn, empty slate, the impression of himself was deeper than he’d originally thought. Well, that was no matter. Konoe could have the same face as him, but he was far from being Leaks’ equal.

There were others Leaks had found through the years that he kept tabs on, carefully crafting them a way to this cursed chessboard game. With Leaks pulling the strings, Konoe would come to meet these faces in time.

As Leaks charted the movements of the Moon of Light and Moon of Shadow, it was evident that that time was soon. It was just a matter of patience now. Luckily, there was still plenty to do with the growing passage of the Void and the Sickness that prompted along the tide of darkness. By this time, he’d moved himself and Firi from the small cave, and into a magic tree Leaks had grown himself, and it was within its enormous trunk that they now settled.  Cloaking it with layers of barriers, within was artificial light and a myriad of runes to assist Leaks’ power and defense.

One day, Firi approached him, holding out something in his palm.

“Master Leaks, this is something I found a long time ago, back when I was still in my other form. I meant to return it sooner, forgive me.” He offered one of his airy grins and laid the object on Leaks’ desk for his inspection. “I think you must’ve dropped it.”

Leaks looked down at the metallic object sitting in front of him. Its form he knew right away. Every imprint in its metal, every detail unchanged from his memory. Somehow, even its gleam remained.

Shui’s ring.

 _Destroy it_. His first thought flashed in his mind with all the assuredness of a lightning strike. But Leaks picked the ring up, and let its weight rest on his palm.

“Hey, so what is it? Is it a magic ring?” Firi had come a little closer, his head tilted in consideration.

Leaks scoffed. “Far from it. It is the most plain sort of ring you could imagine.”

“I’m surprised Master Leaks would have something like that.”

“It’s…” He was going to say “no longer of any use to me”, but then he stopped. Considered. His thoughts flickered from Shui, to Konoe. Squinting, he laid back against his chair, humming. “It,” he finally said, “will probably come in handy soon.”

“Really? How lucky I found it~” Firi giggled.

Remaining silent, Leaks traced the patterns of the ring on his fingertips.

“Are you going to use it for that kitty?”

“His empathy will be growing more intense soon. I’ll save this for that.”

“Hmm, but doesn’t his empathy allow him to look into another’s memories in their heart? Why would you want him to look into yours?”

Leaks let out an amused breath. “There is nothing inside myself I fear him seeing. If anything, he will be the one terrified in the end.” He thought of the first cats he killed. He’d had the ring on him when he’d done it. Maybe it was time to taint the ring further… Leaks _had_ been killing off stray cats that wandered in the forest…

He wanted to overlay the ring with as much malice as possible. Only then would Konoe’s heart drop its guard, and Leaks would be able to take high advantage of that using their link and the ring as a conduit.

Right now, the memory engraved on this still was probably…

_Shui held the ring out, the one Leaks had given him in his other hand. “I’m giving you my feelings. You’re giving me your feelings. Thinking about it like that, it’s kind of wonderful, don’t you agree?”_

_“Not really. Feelings and the like fade into memories.”_

_“Right. That’s why they’re important. Since they’re things that can’t be seen, they’re important.”_

_What kind of logic was that? “I don’t really get it.”_

_“For example, even if I disappeared, you’d still have my feelings. You wouldn’t even need to talk about me to someone, I’d be happy with just you remembering me_.”

Shui had been offering a gentle smile when he’d spoken those words. Even so, that was all Leaks could dig up of his face. No matter how much more he tried to remember, Shui’s face was forgotten and blurry. Had the image of it simply faded once Leaks had discarded his emotions? Or was it because the passage of time had eroded the memory away? Yet the words, every single one like a lullaby from one’s childhood, and the mutual act of exchanging rings and feelings, were still engraved well in Leaks’ mind. Why was that?

When he woke up after that strange dream last night, the first thought in his head had been the words, “Even if the world killed you, I would not forget you.” This sudden vow… How was it possible that Leaks was still sentimental enough to think up such a thing, to still hold on to this - this _phantom_?

It was enraging. And once Leaks thought of it that way, the days of Shui dancing through his dreams and reality returned. It seemed almost like a taunt at first, from someone long-since dead. The difference between the first time and this time though, was that there was no longer any capacity to be burned by the memories in Leaks’ heart.

Still…

There were times Leaks would see it - the flutter of Shui’s red hair at the corner of his eyes. It swirled like shadow, a dream, an illusion, escaping far too quickly by the time Leaks turned to follow its fleeting trail. And like a summer breeze, gentle sounds brushed against his ear before fading into nothing, not even an echo. In the forest, inside his fortress - it didn’t matter where, or how often, because Leaks couldn’t ever ignore it. Before Leaks knew it, he’d turn in complete circles trying to find a Shui that he knew wasn’t even there.

“Really…” Leaks growled under his breath. He was in his study, and had knocked a book over from how fast he’d spun after catching that flutter of red. Unamused by this same old trick, he dug his claws into his palm. “Why must you keep making a fool of me this way? When are you going to have enough!?”

But Leaks told himself to be patient. Soon, it was all going to end. This year was the year. The two moons would eclipse, and finally, everything would stain red, and Shui would only blend into that death of the world.

One day, the sound of singing didn’t fade.

Leaks had been returning from visiting the stone monuments where he convened with the four demons he’d soon contract with Konoe. It was still fairly early in the evening. Colors of fire rained down to the leaves and Leaks’ hair as he made his way back to his fortress.

Moments from going through his barriers, Leaks heard it. His black ears perked at the sound, clearer than anything he’d been hearing for the past few years. He froze, waiting for the song to drown in the air, but it wasn’t. Instead, it was carried along its waves.

Leaks felt a presence. He suddenly was reminded of the rumors he’d heard going around Ransen, of a mysterious figure called the Poet that would wander around the outskirts of the city, singing alongside the playing of his lute. Leaks hadn’t thought anything of it then, of this strange cat that apparently brought ease to every listener’s heart, and who made flowers grow in his wake. It seemed like a silly fantasy.

A fantasy… Leaks thought that, even as he was faced with the truth that the rumor had flashed a blurry image in his mind, of a cat that could fit such a profile.

This song right now though… Although Leaks knew not of its tune, the warm manner of its cascade, trying to reach out to him… It was a gentle feeling that had tried to hold Leaks’ heart once before.

The playing stopped. A hitched breath from behind him. There was no shadow cast alongside his own, but still, Leaks felt this spirit, tentatively waiting for his reactions as one would do for a skittish animal. Insulted by this gentle provocation, Leaks turned, his ears laid flat.

The flutter of red hair did not flee to the corner of his eyes. It stayed falling down shoulders, framing a face - and even under that hood, Leaks saw the wide, grief-stricken green eyes, the contours of cheeks and a nose Leaks had forgotten the curve of. But now it all stood in perfect detail before him, and that was what made Leaks certain that this was not an illusion. Not this time. The clarity of the sight of that countenance and the sound of a song was too perfect to be a fading dream.

And for a moment, the idea that this was his own doing came to Leaks’ mind. Because he’d kept the ring and he remembered the sentiments attached to it. He hadn’t forgotten Shui, and so he’d come back.

Shui’s aura shuddered, too startled to hold onto his form.

Although shocked, Leaks’ lips slowly twisted into a cruel smirk under his mask. “How pathetic,” he murmured, flicking his tail. Then, louder, “Come to watch the fall of this world yourself, have you? You’ll be having front row seats then. While you wait, you should check on that son of yours sometime. Honestly, you left no choice but for me to raise him, you know. Don’t complain to me because of your own imprudence.”

Shui’s lips parted, but nothing came out but a desperate breath. He tried to step closer.

Whether he said anything or not, Leaks did not allow the words to reach his ears. He slipped inside the barrier and reinforced their strength, pressing them out toward Shui with absolute rejection. After that, Leaks made the distance between them as great as possible, holding his breath.

Why was he being shaken up like this? It was ridiculous, ridiculous, _ridiculous_.

Leaks stopped at one of the windows, still holding his breath. He waited.

Nothing else stirred outside.

* * *

_I already have...too much hatred to let this go._

_It’s useless. I can't hear your voice at all anymore. It's forever impossible....for your melodies to reach me now. That song… I have forgotten it_.

* * *

He needed more power. Leaks had been plotting for years in order for everything to fall into place now. At the end of it, his power would be unmatched, and he’d have the strength to finally burn away the life of this wretched world. And it was working - the demons whose power Leaks had stolen, the world that was overrun by the ruthless and the undead, and Konoe’s own heart becoming more cloaked in darkness thanks to his curse and the pawns Leaks had gathered.

His curse was quite a well-crafted one if he could say so himself. For Konoe to be of proper use to him, it was useless to have a heart that only knew the bare surface of anger and sadness. In order to get darkness down to his marrow, Leaks had to test the limits of Konoe’s heart - and break it. The pawn he’d come to have a strong bond with would be the one holding the sword for this task.

Love, after all, did not exist in this world. Konoe would, like all the other cats, only be able to succumb to the bottomless despair and pain that came from being so foolish as to be blinded by one’s emotions. That in itself was the cruel curse all cats bared. Leaks knew it well, and so would Konoe. The difference was that Leaks held the advantage.

He told Shui as much.

The day the two moons finally began to bleed their laments across the sky, Shui appeared before him again. His apparition hadn’t come into contact with Leaks since that first time, but Leaks was always aware of his presence floating through the edges of the forest. As far as he knew, Shui only sang, never speaking.

But now, it wasn’t a melody that tried to reach for him.

“Saying you’ll change this world… Is it my fault?”

Every detail of Shui’s face was vivid and true. The rise and fall of his voice and breath exactly how Leaks remembered it. Shui always made such an open expression - even now, his voice was tight with grief, and his eyes stared down Leaks with conviction.

It was infuriating. “Don’t be so conceited. However, one might learn many things from you. Just how uncertain invisible things like bonds and trust are, for instance, and how foolish they are.” _I am no longer held down by such pitiful chains_. “Bonds, trust. Because these worthless feelings only misguide you, you’ll only become confused. Then, it would be better to lose such things.”

“It’s not like that! Leaks… My feelings back then weren’t lies. Really.”

A song. Two rings. A vow. Endless dreams spun in the light and breeze of summer. A smile Leaks would’ve done anything to preserve. Even if he was supposed to be a cursed cat, if he could convey these feelings...then surely he wouldn’t be forgotten.

Did he know what those sentiments meant anymore?

It didn’t matter. It was far too late. The End of Times was finally at its dawning, and Shui - he was only a soul now. He was dead, despite his look and sound. There was, when it came down to it, simply nothing left anymore.

And yet… In the middle of this winter day that was stained with death, Leaks witnessed the birth of something. Firi had faded and fed into Leaks’ own power with the last painful cadence of his death song. His cries stirred no remorse from Leaks - but Firi had known he was a cat without emotions. Konoe, meanwhile, was weak and wounded. Voiceless. Victory was supposed to have been imminent. Yet something came in a burst of light that held a familiar scent, and was reflected in Konoe’s eyes - until at last, it came out in a steady flow of song.

Leaks saw the flash of a ring on Konoe and growled.

That song… It was a flower blooming all at once in the quiet night, its steady but gentle scent surrounding Leaks with its petals of pure moonlight. In the undercurrent of this melody, more than the images of a peaceful home and the sincere feelings of a singing cat… There was something else there. Leaks could barely hear it, but the silvery sound still slipped in the cracks and down to the deep dark well inside him.

Sorrowful. Sincere. Apologetic. Yearning. It all swirled in the light, and reached for Leaks. He could feel himself be affected by it.

_Quiet… Be quiet… I don’t want to hear your voice…! **BE QUIET!!!**_

The twisted fire of his darkness charged at the dancing mist of light. And in their clash, the walls - outside and within Leaks’ body - shattered down.

* * *

In muted sound and color, the memories laced within Leaks’ emotions slowly swept around. Like a forgotten lullaby, nostalgia lit Leaks’ cracked core. Deep down, he knew that another, smaller seed had been there all along, buried. He’d paid its shriveled form no mind, did not tend to it with his sorrows and regrets of the past. He did lot allow any song to reach it. But it had been there, buried so deep that he dreamed of it.

And now, it was stirring.

For a long time, maybe ever since Shui was killed, Leaks had been having the strange thought of what exactly he was doing. He’d come to lose his way, worse than ever before. Nowhere was Shui there to lead him, to reach out and pull him back like he did when they first met. There was nothing left but red memories at every corner of his mind. Leaks didn’t understand it, and so he continued to tread the spider’s thread in darkness.

But now that he heard Shui’s song for the first time in years, the same song he’d given Leaks, full of his feelings…

Leaks could recognize it now. What his own heart had been trying to convey to Shui all along.

It was too late though, wasn’t it? Like this, he and Shui could no longer speak to each other. It had taken so long for Leaks to finally listen to Shui’s voice. He heard it in the song Konoe sang, that soothing but grieving voice. What Shui had always wished to say…

It reached Leaks. But now, how could he ever reply to it? It was...far too late. Nothing Leaks could say would reach Shui now. Because once again, where Shui was, Leaks could not follow. This was...probably the most fitting punishment Leaks could have.

So now, the most Leaks could do was wade along these emotions he’d kept buried inside himself all these years. He wouldn’t fight them. They burned him, and threatened to extinguish his very existence. He wanted to forget it all again, to tear it to shreds. But this was impossible. He knew it now. Because it had been true, what Shui said before about feelings. That was probably why...that vow had come into his mind.

“ _Even if the world killed you… I would not forget you_.”

No matter what…

Shui had come to him again to send this sentiment. And Leaks had already heard it long ago, and held onto it even if subconsciously, to think these words his own. Either way, Leaks supposed that neither of their memories of the other had truly died. Both their feelings and those rings were kept.

Leaks had...never been forgotten. And neither had he forgotten Shui. That was the power in feelings. And no matter the state of the heart, those embers would forever glow.

That was only the truth. The truth that held the world together and made it suffering to live in. It was the magic of this world that Shui had taught him.

It was the thin thread of making red the color of love, or hate.

Leaks wanted...to dream of that soothing sunstone again. If he did, then maybe...

 

 

 

 _...Shui_...

**Author's Note:**

> The title for this fic is literally "Lamentations of Sayuri". Sayuri is the orange lily. In hanakotoba, it means "hate/revenge". A fitting flower for Leaks, huh? A flower of hate, yet it laments. This title is actually my ship name for ShuiLeaks so... The writing for "lament" I used was "哀歌" (aika), in which the second kanji is the one for "song".
> 
> Anyway, you all should totally listen to ["Of All These Yesterdays" by Trivium](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTJAV7ggwjU). Too many of the lyrics resonated with the ShuiLeaks so well. I almost named the fic after it tbh. 
> 
> Feedback will slowly revive my dead heart and so would be much appreciated *banzai* (Because hoo boy, this fic got away from me, it got so long orz) Thank you for reading! Feel free to follow me on twitter as well, @fuwajellyfish


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